Down the Lavender Aisle: Part 2

Here’s the second installment by guest blogger, Carl.

Will you?

“So, who asks whom?” When it comes to getting engaged, this is a common question posed to gay and lesbian couples – and one for which there isn’t one answer. When I decided I was going to propose, there was some worry in the back of my mind that I would be beaten to the punch. Personally, I think it just comes down to which partner has more self control. And that is definitely not me.

Once I figured out that I wanted to spend my life with K, I had to figure out how to ask him and what I would give him as a symbol of our engagement. While a diamond ring is a time honored and classic sign of commitment between two people, it absolutely wouldn’t work for us. I thought about buying bands and having each of us wear them on our right ring fingers and then moving them to our left at the ceremony. And I thought of simply asking him without any “props,” but I really wanted him to have something that symbolized our engagement for the rest of his life.

I thought about all this for so long that I was running out of time. And then it struck me. A watch. A good watch. One that he would wear every day. One that would last forever. One that he had been talking about getting himself for what seemed forever.

Here’s how it played out…

Last May, I planned a week-long vacation in Napa Valley under the guise of K’s birthday. He had no idea that I was planning to propose – which made it that much better. Napa has always been a special place for us. It is where we took one of our first trips together and the fact that we are both really into wine makes the location that much more blurry memorable.

Route 1 from San Francisco to Napa is a scenic, winding drive along the coast, passing through Muir Beach and Point Reyes. There’s a particular spot on the way where we love to pull over for the most incredible view and I knew that it would be the perfect place to propose. For days leading up to the trip, I was trying to figure out a way that I would be able to mention stopping there without raising K’s suspicions in advance. Fortunately, I didn’t have to think too hard.

K remembered the spot and suggested going there on our drive. When we arrived, we got out of the car and started walking to the edge to take in the view. There, I handed K a box that I had discreetly taken from the car. I told him it was a happy vacation present and to open it. He quickly did so and was so excited about the watch I don’t think he noticed how nervous I became.

I began telling him how much I loved him, how important he was in my life and that if he really wanted to know just how much I loved him to look on the back of the watch. As he turned it over, he saw that engraved on the back between our initials was “Marry me?”

To get back to my original point on who asks whom – in the end, does it really matter? Woman to woman, man to man, man to woman – when you ask someone to marry you, you are saying I want to be with you for the rest of my life. When you say yes to someone asking you to marry them, aren’t you saying the same exact thing?

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Save the dates by Thoughtful Day



On Sunday I had brunch with fellow blogger, Erica of Thoughtful Day….she’s getting married in Jamaica (how fabulous!) and we had a really great time chatting about weddings and all the “fun” stuff we brides go through. She was nice enough to bring a copy of the save the dates she designed and they were just too beautiful not to post….her color scheme is a new favorite of mine and I can’t wait to see how it turns out in the end…..

[images by Thoughtful Day]

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Atelier Isabey





Margot from Atelier Isabey contacted me recently with some of her beautiful designs….a Brooklyn Bride herself, she’s really got some great stuff, so check it out. [how great is that envelope liner??]

[images from Atelier Isabey]

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Reader question: Tuxes


Emily from Chicago emailed me yesterday asking about other options for suits and tuxes for men other than Mens Warehouse and JCrew…..here’s some of my recommendations…feel free to include your suggestions in the comments!

If your guy is considering buying a tux, I can only vouch for the NYC area, but Linus is a great option. They have a great classic tux at a reasonable price, and tons of suits. For a more modern look, I recommend looking at places like yes, JCrew, but also Express Men, or similar stores. They will have great suits that won’t break the bank. Also try outlet stores…us tri-state area girls have Woodbury Commons and Century 21, but I’m sure there are equivalents all across the US. Barneys, Saks, even Neiman Marcus have outlets, and you can get an Armani tux for a fraction of the cost.

For rentals, you should know that Mens Warehouse is joining forces with Afterhours, so expect a bigger selection and more locations nationwide starting next year. Also, you really don’t need to be renting a tux more than 2 months before the wedding….Chad and I went a few weeks ago and got laughed at! Save yourself the embarrassment!


Chad wants to go completely James Bond classic: black peak lapel, white shirt (no ruffles!!), no cummerbund, black suspenders, black bowtie…you get the idea. I tried talking him into some green socks but he won’t have it. He’s pretty against boutonnieres too, but he’s not really getting a choice in that :) I do think that classic is the way to go.

I think for some weddings putting your guy in a tie thats made out of your bridesmaids dress material, or just any colored tie for that matter, can end up looking dated in your photos down the road. Don’t get me wrong, many people have done it and it looks great, but if those ties are not done right, they can end up looking cheap. Try bringing some color in with a colored pocket square or socks….minimal pops of color when you need them. Some more tips can be found here….

[image from NY Mag Weddings, MSNBC]

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