“So, who asks whom?” When it comes to getting engaged, this is a common question posed to gay and lesbian couples – and one for which there isn’t one answer. When I decided I was going to propose, there was some worry in the back of my mind that I would be beaten to the punch. Personally, I think it just comes down to which partner has more self control. And that is definitely not me.
Once I figured out that I wanted to spend my life with K, I had to figure out how to ask him and what I would give him as a symbol of our engagement. While a diamond ring is a time honored and classic sign of commitment between two people, it absolutely wouldn’t work for us. I thought about buying bands and having each of us wear them on our right ring fingers and then moving them to our left at the ceremony. And I thought of simply asking him without any “props,” but I really wanted him to have something that symbolized our engagement for the rest of his life.
I thought about all this for so long that I was running out of time. And then it struck me. A watch. A good watch. One that he would wear every day. One that would last forever. One that he had been talking about getting himself for what seemed forever.
Here’s how it played out…
Last May, I planned a week-long vacation in Napa Valley under the guise of K’s birthday. He had no idea that I was planning to propose – which made it that much better. Napa has always been a special place for us. It is where we took one of our first trips together and the fact that we are both really into wine makes the location that much more
Route 1 from San Francisco to Napa is a scenic, winding drive along the coast, passing through Muir Beach and Point Reyes. There’s a particular spot on the way where we love to pull over for the most incredible view and I knew that it would be the perfect place to propose. For days leading up to the trip, I was trying to figure out a way that I would be able to mention stopping there without raising K’s suspicions in advance. Fortunately, I didn’t have to think too hard.
K remembered the spot and suggested going there on our drive. When we arrived, we got out of the car and started walking to the edge to take in the view. There, I handed K a box that I had discreetly taken from the car. I told him it was a happy vacation present and to open it. He quickly did so and was so excited about the watch I don’t think he noticed how nervous I became.
I began telling him how much I loved him, how important he was in my life and that if he really wanted to know just how much I loved him to look on the back of the watch. As he turned it over, he saw that engraved on the back between our initials was “Marry me?”
To get back to my original point on who asks whom – in the end, does it really matter? Woman to woman, man to man, man to woman – when you ask someone to marry you, you are saying I want to be with you for the rest of my life. When you say yes to someone asking you to marry them, aren’t you saying the same exact thing?